Eragon House
by Dark-Wolf87
Summary: What it would be like if the characters from Eragon all lived in a house together. My first Comedey ever written so be nice!
1. Wake Up!

House

_This is what it would be like if you put all of the characters from Eragon in a house together, for a long long long long long long time._

Chapter 1: Wake Up!

Eragon tosses and turns. He shoots up in bed suddenly and yells, " NO! BACK AWAY! LEAVE ME GIANT CHICKEN OF FINLAND!"

Galbatorix: Eragon, I would be delighted if you could please, with all sencirety, lower your voice. I would greatly appreciate it, I'm trying to read Tales from Shakespear.

Brom: STUFF IT UP YOUR $ GALBATORIX!

Galbatorix starts to cry.

Saphira: ALRIGHT, WHO FRIKIN WOKE ME UP?

Eragon pointed to the ceiling quickly. Brom looked at Eragon and pointed to Galbatorix. Saphira roared and began to rage on Galbatorix as he screamed. Eragon and Brom laughed.

Eragon: Readin' be fer dumb people!

Brom: Yo dawgs, I'm gettin' hungry. Yo, Eragon! Ya you, the idiot!

Eragon: Hey... (Silence)

Brom: Make me some breakfast homie!

Eragon: Ok...I make eggies!

Saphira had quite finished her raging now and growled.

Saphira: Make me pancakes !$ oh Eragon. Your a #! dumb !$# and $!&$!

Eragon giggled.

Eragon: Funny words!

Galbatorix(moaning with pain): I would be delighted if thy Eragon would perhaps fix a crumpet? Please do ma...

Saphira crushes Galbatorix with her over-sized rear end. She farts...very loudly. Galbatorix passes out. Then she farts again. Galbatorix equals dead.

Brom: Killing Spree!

Eragon pulls a frying pan from his cloaks with hot steaming scrambled eggs on it.

Eragon: Eggies!

Brom and Saphira dive for the pan, knocking Eragon through the wall into...ANGELA'S ROOM! WOW!

Eragon: Angela! Galbatorixxiee be dead agains!

Angela turned.

Angela: Dang it Saphira! We need to get some Gas-X. Eragon, go to the store and bbuy some before I beat your sorry butthole with a bowling pin!

Eragon ran out to the store, that just so happened to not exist. Angela turned again. She had a disease: Turnintitas.

Brom: Whadda hell da we need Gas-X for, G-DAWG?

Angela: We don't...Eggs!

Angela hurries over and just before she can grab the eggs, she turns.

Angela: PICKLE JUICE!

Saphira and Brom gasped. Then they gasped again. Before they could gasp the fatal and final third gasp, Arya enters the room.

Arya: Hi guy...UGHGUHGG UHHH!

Arya dies of a sudden heart failure. No one ever knew this, but elves are EXTREMELY allergic to dragon farts. Fortunately, the dragons did not know this until AFTER the war. As soon as an elf smells a dragon fart, every vein in their ENTIRE body EXPLODES! MUHUHUHAHAHAHAAA! How unnessecarily cruel!

AANNNYYYWWAAYYYSSS, Brom and Saphira and Angela and Eragon look as Arya dies. Eragon?

Eragon: Mee got GAS-X!

Angela: Just my pickly pickle juice luck...

GASP!

There is a long pause...A very llloooonnnnnnnngggggggg pause. Long enough to allow global warming to occur. Long enough to let world starvation occur. Long enough for a pizza to get icy cold...and then heat it up! LONG ENOUGH TO SAY THIS LINE: Supercalifabulisticexpialidocious!

Eragon: Mee bored.


	2. BoredomConquered

Chapter 2: Boredom...CONQUERED!

Eragon reached under his drool-soaked, maggot-infested, half-eaten, ruined, ugly, disgusting bed. (Good thing he's so darn STUPID! Why is he stupid? Because it is...UNNESSECARILY CRUEL! MUHUHUHAHAHA!) He pulled out his xbox.

Eragon: Me play Shrek 2!

Saphira sighed heavily.

Saphira: You ARE A SORRY LITTLE WUSS! YOU SUK AND I HATE YOU!

Eragon: Me luv you too!

Saphira: WE ARE GOING TO PLAY...BLOODY GORE MAYHEM LXIIII!

Saphira puts in the game and begins to rip off heads in a digital world of blood, gore, mayhem, and Roman Numerals.

Angela: That game is inappropiate for Eragon. What if he actually LEARNS something?

Suddenly, Eragon jumps from behind Brom with his dagger held high and drives it deep...

ERROR

ERROR

SCENE CUT FOR VIOLENCE TOO VIOLENT FOR EVEN THE TOUGHEST MAN IN THE WORLD

Eragon: That be fun!

Brom's dead body layed in the floor. On his face was a look of terror. His cause of death was obvious...Educational Television. DUM DUH DUM DUM DDDUUUUUMMMMM!

Angela:Now why'd ya do that?

Saphira: Finally, that old fart friking died.

Arya, who had risen from the dead to seek revenge, stopped.

Arya: Fart? NOOOOOO!

Arya died again.

Eragon: KILLING SPREE!

Angela: WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT PROFANITY?

Angela took out a metal rod and beat Eragon's back with it. Saphira played XBOX. Galbatorix began to rot from the stench that hung on his body from that MONSTEROUS dragon fart. Arya twitched...fart. Brom...well it was Educational Television (DUM DUH DUM DUM DUMMMMM!), so he just kinda layed there.

After Eragon had been thouroghly beaten...

Eragon: Me not bored. BOREDOME, CONQUERED!

Angela took out the rod...

Angela: PROFANITY!

then turned...

Angela: PICKLE JUICE IN A JAR!

Need I type more?

Narrarator: This is probably the stupidest thing I have EVER had to read in my ENTIRE life. I QUIT!

Morzan the Unnessecarily Cruel: YOU CAN'T!

Narrarator: Why not?

Morzan the Unnessecarily Cruel: BECAUSE YOU'RE FIRED!

Narrarator: WHAT? I just quit! YOU CAN'T FIRE ME!

Morzan the Unnessecarily Cruel: SORRY!

Narrarator: Why won't you let me quit with dignity?

Morzan the Unnessecarily Cruel: BECAUSE...IT'S UNNESSECARILY CRUEL!

Morzan the Unnessecarily Cruel pulls out a shotgun and blows the narrarator to bits.


	3. This Story Sucks

Chapter 3: THIS STORY SUKS

New Nararator: You're probably wondering by now why other characters haven't appeared. Murtaugh, The Ra'zac, Garrow, Roran, etc. Well, for your information, Murtaugh sucks, The Ra'zac are on vacation in Cancoon, Garrow died in Eragon, and well, we just don't like Roran. In fact...

Roran enters the scene.

Roran: Hi Eragon! How you doing?

New Narrarator pulls out a machette and chucks it at Roran. Using his Matrix skills, Roran catches the blade in mid-air.

Roran: Hey, why can't we all be friends?

Saphira farts. There is a long pause.


	4. Chapter 4: The Ra'zac are back!

Narrarator: ANYWAYS! We find our daring, dashing, intelligent, and smart hero and his friends in a house. Roran.

Eragon: Hey, me be hero!

Angela: SHUT UP!

(She takes the rod out and beats Eragon's bruised pulp for a back)

Roran: Well, what's new guys?

Saphira: Well, Galbatorix died...

Roran: Again?

Saphira: Yes, and Arya's allergic to dragon farts.

Roran: Well guess what. The Ra'zac are back from Cancoon. They've opened and evil Circus that kidnaps children so they can eat them!

Eragon: OOOOOh! I...like the circus...it...is fun! There are clowns and bunnies and tigons!

Saphira: Eragoon shut up!

Roran: It's Eragon! Jeez

Saphira: Who cares? I hardly remeber any of your names all the time.

Eragon: OOOO! I know my name...If you forget...you...can ask...me!

There's a long pause. Long pauses seem to be very common in this story...and i dont know why...

Roran: We need to stop them!

Angela: Who?

Roran: The Ra'zac!

Angela: Oh! That won't be hard! All we have to do is tell Eragon to think mean thoughts...you know what happens...

Roran: Well...i forgot to tell you something...

Angela: What?

Roran: The Ra'zac...well...they're British.


	5. Chapter 5: BBBRRRIIITTTIIISSSHHH

Brom, who had come back from the dead at the sound of the terrible word "British", yelled. Loudly. Very loudly. EXTREMELY LOUDLY! Eragon, confused and wanting to fit in began to yell too.

Eragon: WWWHHHAAATTTTTT AAARRREEE WWWEEE YYYEEELLLIIINNNGGG AAABBBOOOUUUTTT!

Brom: I HATE THE BRITISH, YO!

ERAGON: WWWHHHOOO AAARRREEE TTTHHHEEE BBBRRRIIITTTIIISSSHHH?

Angela: Hey Eragon, how come you talk with three letters in each word?

ERAGON: III DDDOOONNN'''TTT KKKNNNOOOWWW!

Brom: LET'S GO ICE THOSE DEMONS! GRRAAAGGHHHHH YO!

Roran picks up the machette from...well...his hand? He quickly goes to the narrarator and hacks off his hea...

New Narrarator: Hi I've been hired to fill in for the other guy. He uhhh...quit...?...

...d. Roran picks up the shotgun from Morzan's rotting carcas(how'd he die?) and hands it to Saphira, who eats it.

Eragon: OOOOHHHH ME WANT BOOM STICK!

Eragon dives at Saphira's mouth, hoping to dive in to her stomach to retrieve the shotgun. Unfortunately, Saphira's mouth was closed, making is very difficult to well, dive through.

Eragon: Ouch. Oh well, i'll just have to use this weapon.

Eragon pulls out the Zar'roc from under his bed.

Angela: Thats a good choice Eragon! Maybe your not so frikin retarded after all!

Eragon pulls out a bad of marshmallows from his bed. And then puts the sword back.

Angela: I hate you.

The friends set out to kill the British bird guys. All 7 of them, Saphira, Eragoon, Angela, Roran, and the now foaming at the mouth Brom. Just as they step outside, the writer of this story becomes bored and stops.


End file.
